Imperfectly perfect
by Someone-Significant
Summary: We are not what happens to us, but we are how we react to those happenings. We are all different and special in our own ways. Sometimes bad things happen to us. And that's life. Its not sunshine and rainbows. It's a mean and nasty place. But it's upon us what we make of it. How we stop hiding our scars and start being proud of what we survived.
1. Chapter 1

**_Authors note:_**

* * *

Short story based on a situation. It is majorly based on the inquiry held on Sr. Insp. Abhijeet. Post the episode where he was experiencing two personalities at once. So it's somewhat based after that.

Hope you like it.

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* * *

_**Imperfectly perfect**_

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The air in the room felt stale and cold. Just the way he felt right now at this moment. He was sitting quietly on the chair in front of the long table. Everything around him felt in place. Except for him. He was fidgeting his fingers as his legs were steady at their place. The room he was in was well illuminated. White, is what he was able to every where.

_**Khamoshi hai har kahin, **_

_**Manzil muze pata nahin, **_

_**Khudko sabit karte karte, **_

_**Main khud hi gum ho gaya kahin, **_

It had been more than fifteen minutes since the last time he had glanced at the door. Not that he was eager, but he wasn't interested in pushing this ahead either. He gazed down at his hands. Trying to sit still. He just let out a sigh. As he closed his eyes. Unable to see any more details in the room than what he already knew off, he gave up and sat easy. Well, there was very less of what he could do otherwise.

_**Jo hua wo mere hath me kabhi tha nahi, **_

_**Jo ho raha hai, wo bhi mere bass mai nahi, **_

_**Duniya ke liye toh woh bass ek hadsa tha, **_

_**Unhe kya pata, ke meri zindagi tab jab mujhse chuti, **_

_**Wo aajtak kabhi wapas mili hi nahi, **_

Soon the door opened and his calm state was short lived. As a group of people walked inside. They were four of them. Each one followed by another. Two females followed by males. They were all dressed at Thier best. As he couldn't avoid but see how they carried themselves to the chairs behind the desk and settle in for a session they were all here for. He silently acknowledge Thier presence as he straightened himself and his sleeves once more. Within minutes they were all settled. With the four pair of eyes now upon him.

_**Ajeeb khel khelrahi hai zindagi meri, **_

_**Duniya muze wo kal yaad karne ko Keh rahi hai, **_

_**Jo muze yaad hi nahi, **_

"We are sorry for the delay officer" the first lady who entered inside said with genuine tone of apology.

He nodded in affirmation as he gazed at her. She was seeming to be a nice lady. At Least right now.

"Officer" gazing at the report on the table "We had been through a thorough discussion and talk with the other members" that man said gazing at the rest of the team. He stared at them silently.

_**"Thak jata un soch soch ke, **_

_**Ke main kaun hun, kaun nahi, **_

_**Aaiene me bhi jab dekhta hun, **_

_**Toh lagta hai puri nahi, **_

_**Adhuri hi tasveer hai meri, **_

"So, after the discussion we have a few questions for you which(taking a pause and gazing at him)will determine the decision. So i want you to understand it"

He nodded silently and spoke "Yes sir"

_**"kitni baar bataun, **_

_**Ke mere beete kal mai bass andhera hai, aur kuch nahi,**_

_**Fir bhi sab puchte hai ke main kyu ab tak yun khoya hun wahin? **_

"Good" said the man as they started with their questions.

"You know officer that according to your case history each of your actions are judged(abhijeet nodded so he continued) and in this most recent case. Where it was observed that you suffered from a mental disorder for a certain period of time. Wherein you showed the symptoms of split personality is that right?"

_**" dard hota hai sun sun ke tumhare shaq wahi, **_

_**Par tumhe kya kahu, **_

_**Jab main khudko hi samaz pata nahi, **_

Abhijeet took a moment of pause as he spoke "yes it is right"

"So in that case it was caused by a external chemical trigger which caused it. Which (reading from the file) as stated was a part of the criminal act"

"_**Koshish karta hun ke karu shuru zindagi sire se nayi, **_

_**Par kya karu jab mere ateeth ki parchai mere peeche khadi, **_

"Yes" Abhijeets answers were plain and straight. As if he was used to this.

"So, any sort of a mental illness or symptom of a mental illness is a cause of worry. (folding his hands and gazing intently at abhijeet) and specially in a field like yours. Each step and action has high level consequences. Which are in some way or the other are influenced by this problem. And can cause trouble or can practically hamper your physical and mental performance which is needed at the field. Do you agree on that? (abhijeet nodded yes) So then officer you also be knowing that having such history in this field on your profile makes the department question your ability to perform?"

Abhijeet paused for a moment. And then answered."Yes, it does affect"

Then they all exchanged gazes at each other as the person on his right started to speak.

"I'll ask you one question officer. And your answer will be one of the major deciding factor in the decision.(after a pause) so answer carefully"

Abhijeet nodded silently. As he took a sip of water. And stared at the questioning person.

"Considering your past incidences. How can you make sure or give us some sort of an assurance that your mental history or incidences won't affect your job?"

After a brief pause she spoke ahead.

"In short, how can you prove or assure us that you're a fit officer to perform the duty your job demands?"

_**Mere jaise deemag ke mareez bohot honge, **_

_**Koi nayi baat nahi, **_

_**Par kya batau tumhe ke, **_

_**Uss din maine sirf meri yaadein nahi, **_

_**Maine meri maa, meri zindagi khoyi **_

As Abhijeet heard those words. He fell silent. There was soo much of what was running in his mind. So much that he couldn't decipher it himself.

He was staring at them all as she stopped. And rested her hands on the files in front. All of them were now keenly gazing at him. While he was now sitting calm and quiet. As he blinked once. And gazed down at his hands. When he could hear those words resonating inside his head. His mind wandered off in his memory lane. As he pressed his eyes closed.

.

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_**Authors note:**_

**_Hello folks, it's a short story. Means short for real. _**

**_So guys are you interested to read further of this story? _**

**_End of chapter one. Next update in a day. Mostly will be one or two more chapters. _**

**_And yes, i remember about reactions. *holding ears* sorry guys. I will update it soon too. Just tell me, you guys are awaiting for it? _**

**_Thanks a lot for reading guys! _**

**_Take care, _**

**_Renuka_**


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note:

Another chapter up. And mostly wil have one more chapter.

And about reactions update. Then it will be be there this week. Mostly by Tuesday or Wednesday.

And thanks a lot for your response and appreciation guys. It means a lot!

So, here in this chapter there is a flashback which abhijeet is having sitting in the inquiry. And in that flashback there is also an another flash back. So don't get confused. :)

II hope you like this chapter. Nd yes do read the verses in italics and bold. I've written them myself. :)

* * *

**F****lashback:**

"Hey?"

He looked up. As he saw his colleague and best friend standing beside him.

"Tum kab aye?" he said

"main toh tab aya jab tum khayali pulaw paka raha the" his friend spoke as he settled himself in front of him. Trying to make things a little better is what he was trying to do.

"Abhijeet.." he said in a concerned tone as he stared at him. Who was busy putting his files and organizing them.

"Yaar tum na ab ye serious mode maise Bahar aao yaar.." he said in tinge of irritation as Abhijeet just gazed at him for once.

_**Gumrah ho gaya hun rah se ab, **_

_**Pata nahi chalta Kahan se aya tha**_

_**Kahan jaraha hun ab, **_

"Main serious nahi hu, Muze kuch nahi hua hai, i am not worrying (abhijeet glared at him) ye sab na apne pass rakho..(serious tone) please"

_**Jung ladh sakta hun sabse abhi, **_

_**Par aj lagta hai ke ab ye jung unse nahi, **_

_**Ab toh jung khudse hi hai meri, **_

Abhijeet who was working had now stopped. And he sat back leaning on the chair. As he let out a sigh. And stared at daya. Who was sitting with a serious face. It took minutes until abhijeet realised that he wasn't going to give up.

_**"jab khudko dekhta hu aaj, **_

_**Toh dikhte hai log Kai, **_

_**Par ab lagta hai ke muzme main hi nahi, **_

"Daya..(abhijeet gazed at him) inquiry toh honi hi thi. Aaj ya kal. It was unavoidable" he said as he paused in between.

"uska tension nai hai yaar..(then gazing at the blank space between them)Bass thak chuka hu yaar.." abhijeet said in a sigh. As he pressed his hand over his forehead.

_**"aaine me dekhta hun toh dikhte hai chehre Kai, **_

_**Par un sab chehron me mera chehra hai hi nahi, **_

It was nearly 9 and they were sitting alone in the bureau. As everyone else had packed and left home early. It was a tiring case. And everyone had suffered physically or mentally from this whole deal. And like any other case this one had its implications on them long after it was closed. And that was one of the reasons why they were here sitting.

_**Jitna aage dekhne ki koshish krta, **_

_**Mera Kal aage Jane deta nahi, **_

_**Jitna bhi apne kal ko yaad karne ki koshish krta, **_

_**Wo yaad ata hi nahi, **_

Daya was gazing silently at abhijeet. Thinking of a solution or a better way to make sure that this new problem doesn't take a toll on him. But solution was something he couldn't think of. His brows were furrowed and his eyes tensed. Abhijeet gazed at him and seeing him like this he turned his chair and bent forward towards daya.

_**Kehne ko toh ye hai bass ek aur jung meri, **_

_**Par ab lagta hai ke khudse ladhne ki ab muzme himmat hi nahi, **_

"Sun..tu tension mat le..(daya just gazed at him) dekh it is unavoidable. So ab uske bare me soch soch ke kuch nahi hone wala"

"Unavoidable? (smiling) then why am I never under mental fitness screening abhijeet? (abhijeet looked aside) I mean sabse jyada violent actions toh mere hai na? According to the bureau. They never questioned me?( his tone now laced with anger) fir bar bar ye inquiry tumhe kyu?" daya spoke all of this in irritation as he there was very less of what he could do in this situation.

_**Aaj tak sochta tha ke jung hai ye astitva ki meri **_

_**Par ab kya ladhu jab muzme main khud bacha hi nahi, **_

Abhijeet added in a calm tone" Kyuke daya mera past history(daya was about to interrupt)nahi daya. Don't try to defend on that (daya closed his mouth in frustration as Abhijeet continued) we both know

ke mere past me jo bhi hua hai meri jo medical history hai wo ignorable nai hai. It was a serious affair. So I Have to face it when it comes" abhijeet ended his sentence as he spoke in composed tone.

Daya was silent throughout the discussion. And was intently hearing what abhijeet was saying.

He soon started to speak with

_**Iss dal dal me se dhas chuka hu Kai salon se wahi, **_

_**Par ab iss dal dal se nikalne ki na hai himmat **_

_**Na ab hai iccha hai meri, **_

"I can understand(gazing at abhijeet) bass..yaar.. Don't let this thing take more than what it has already taken from you" daya spoke. Abhijeet nodded hearing it.

They both knew how much it was going to take a toll. When before he could do something the cell rang.

Abhijeet gazed at his phone. And saw that acp sir were calling.

"Hello sir"

"Han sir okay sir. Main pohochta hun"

Cutting the call daya asked "kya hua?"

"Kuch nai yaar wo Bass uss raheja case ke bare me discuss karna hai aur wo dcp sir ne report Manga hai. (getting up as packing) toh sir bolrahe the bureau ata hun maine hi socha kyu unhe abhi pareshan krna"

Daya too got up with as Abhijeet continued "isiliye Mai hi unke ghar Jake ek baar discussion kar lunga"

Daya nodded as they started to walk down "han woi sahi hai. Waise bhi unki tabiyat bhi kuch theek nai hai kai dino se..(turning towards him) toh mai ghar jata gun. Tum aanjana kam hone ke baad.."

Abhijeet "Han theeke.. Aur sun.. Khane ke liye ruk mat tu kha le. Main aake khaunga"

Daya nodded with a smile "okay boss kuch Bach gaya toh rakhunga"

Abhijeet smiled at him. As he shook his head and left for acp sir home.

He reached home soon enough as there was less traffic. They started discussing on the case. And soon he was making the report simultaneously. The time was passing fast. As they were working non stop.

"Sir maine sare reports line up kariye hai. Aur ek doh jo forensic analysis the unke reports abhi ane baki hai. So wo toh on pending hai. Baki sab upto date hai. Bass ab wo kalke and parsoke investigation and interrogation report baki hau wo ab banata hun" abhijeet said as he was reading from the documents in front. Acp sir nodded as he took another file infront of him.

"theek hai, abhi ye remaining wala next report me update krenge. Waise bhi its not complete" acp sir said

"Theeke, main ye sab kal leke pohochta hun sir.." abhijeet said as he was picking up the files. Acp sir added with

"Aur Han kal 10 baje dena hai ye report toh tum wo Andheri murder ka bhi leke aana. Wo bhi pending hai" acp sir spoke as he was busy reading through the paper infront.

Abhijeet nodded at first when he realised what acp sir were saying. He gazed up at him from the files. As acp sir glanced up hearing no response from his side.

Abhijeet spoke "Sir wo(trying to find the right words) kal..Wo inquiry hai"

_**Dusron se jeet ke kya karu me abhi, **_

_**Jab khudse har chuka hun, **_

_**Jis cheez ke liye itna ladha, **_

_**Aaj wo zameer kho chuka hun, **_

Abhijeet spoke in a low tone. As acp sir glanced at him for a moment. Without saying anything. Abhijeet unknowingly averted his gaze as he looked at the files in hand and pretended to organise the papers inside it. Acp sir kept gazing at him.

"Hmm.." acp sir uttered as he got up to put the files in his shelf.

_**Nahi, nahi hun mai koi kayar nahi **_

_**Ab toh zehen me dar jaisa kuch bacha hi nahi, **_

_**Ab kisise kya darna, **_

_**Jab meri khudki zindagi hi ab meri khudki nahi, **_

Abhijeet just wrapped up soon and was about to leave. When acp sir gazed outside. It was raining heavily. And Mumbai was having its worst rains that day. Acp sir turned and checked outside.

"Bahar bohot barish ho rahi hai" he said as Abhijeet stopped and looked outside too. When acp sir asked kaka

"Han sahab bahar kabse tez barish ho rahi hai. Sham se jo lagi hai ab tak ruki nahi hai"

Abhijeet pressed his lips as he saw the intensity from the window. It was indeed heavy.

Acp sir checked his phone and spoke with "Twitter pe bhi dikha raha hai, abhi yahan water clogging already ho chuka hai beech wale circle pe.(gazing at abhijeet who was watching news) muze nahi lagta abhi tumhara nikalna theek hoga"

Abhijeet was thinking as he was calculating his options. When seeing him thinking.

"Suno(getting abhijeets attention) abhi mat jao. Thodi der bad jab ruk jaye tab jana lage toh aur waise bhi abhi lag nahi raha hai ke barish rukegi"

Abhijeet nodded "han sir wo toh hai..dekhte hain"

Saying he started to walk towards his files. When acp sir asked him as

"tum kya kar rahe ho?"

"Sir wo..report kar deta hun"

Acp sir shook his head and got up "tumne khana khaya nahi hai na?"

Abhijeet was about to give some reason when acp sir stopped him with "muze pata hai nahi"

Abbijeet shook his head in irritation as acp sir went to tell kaka to set Thier table.

"ab meri taraf aise ghuro mat. Daya ka hi message tha"

Abhijeet instantly spoke with "ye aapko kyu message krta hai ye sab batane ko"

Acp sir settling himself on the chair and gesturing abhijeet to do the same as he spoke "Tumhara phone out of coverage de raha hai..isliye usne muze kiya tha(seeing abhijeet still standing) ab khana kha lo pehle, kaam hota rahega"

Abhijeet heard what he said as he stood there silent. Then after a moment settled himself too. It was nearly midnight and he was a lot tired. It had been more than a month since this case has started. And ever since that moment. He hadn't sat at peace. Everyday something new raised.

And now this inquiry. It was really a hard affair to deal with. Especially this time. As this time not only had this "Tony" affair lasted longer and had taken a turn for the worse. Many things changed in this period. Things that he didn't wanted to change.

Soon he started to eat. As acp sir was sitting right in front of him. And he was very much at loss of excuses. So he was silently eating.

"Kuch dino se dekh raha hun tumhari tabiyat theek nahi hai?" acp sir asked in a concerned tone as he stopped to gaze at abhijeet.

Abhijeet spoke in a low tone as "nahi sir(trying to find a reason) aisa kuch nahi hai"

Acp sir kept staring at him as he asked another question "Tension hai koi?"

Abhijeet just averted his gaze as he stared down at his plate. Acp sir saw his change of expressions. But he said nothing. As somewhere he already knew the reason.

**Flashback within a flashback:**

_"Sir par ye sahi nahi hai sir" daya said in a complaining tone. _

_"Sahi hai ya nahi ye hamare hath me nahi hai daya. Ye protocols hai" _

_Acp sir said for the third time since the last 15 minutes of this intense discussion. Where these three were present. _

_Daya glanced aside in frustration "sir protocol kaisa protocol sir?(gazing at abhijeet and sir both)jo bhi hua usme abhijeet ki kya galati thi sir? Ye sab uss investigation ke dauran hua hai. Uske haath me tha hi nahi.. Toh use kyu har bar khudko prove krna hai?" daya said all of this in utter frustration as he could feel his anger rising. As it wasnt even 2 days since the Tony case. And the bureau had already set up a inquiry. _

_Acp sir gazed at him." daya(calm and comforting tone) tumhe kya lagta hai ke me ye samaz nahi raha?(gazing at abhijeet) ye process hai. Aur ismese use kya kisi aur ko bhi guzarna padta" _

_Daya smiled "aaj tak toh kisi aur ko nahi jana pada" _

_Acp sir in frustration spoke with "han kyuke abhijeet ki case me alag hai" _

_Daya in anger spoke with "Sir.. Aap" _

_When abhijeet pressed his hand over his resting hand in a gesture to stop. Daya stopped in frustration. As Abhijeet who was silent throughout gazed up at acp sir. _

_"Sir inquiry kaun krne wala hai" _

_Acp sir got a little quiet at his question but then spoke "Medical department of bureau" _

_Daya looked shocked at acp sir "Sir medical..(seeing abhijeet in shock too) sir dcp sir ne kaha tha ke Sirf inter department hone wali hai inquiry. And medical?" _

_Acp sir who was trying to make him understand spoke in anger again "daya ye inter department hi hai. Aur medical hi hone wala hai. Iss case ke baad abhijeet ke mental health pe bhi bohot effect hua hai(daya shook his head) isliye ye inquiry hai. Report pe padha tha na tumne?" _

_Daya spoke in anger with "han sir reportv toh padha tha sir maine. Par usme likha tha ke inquiry hogi sir(in pained tone) ye nahi likha tha ke ek officer ko apne aap ko prove krna hoga" _

_Saying he left instantly. Acp sir shook his head. He knew that this wasn't an easy affair. Nor was it for him. But right now he had something different on his mind. _

_As soon as he left he gazed at abhijeet who seemed to be lost in thought and was tensed from his expressions. When after a moment or two abhijeet too got up. _

_"Abhijeet.."_

_"Sir(gazing at acp sir) kya..(taking a pause) aapko lagraha hai ke muze mental fitness inquiry ki zaroorat hai?" abhijeet said it in a low tone and what he meant to ask was weather he too thinks that he needs a checkup? _

_"han" _

_**Kal tak mera ateeth mera tha nahi **_

_**Ab toh mera kal bhi paraya ho gaya hai abhi, **_

_Abhijeet looked shocked for the starters. He wasn't expecting this answer. But before he could say anything acp sir added further. _

_"Inquiry hai toh jana padega. Tuesday ko scheduled hai" saying he forwarded the letter to Abhijeet. Who was silent for a moment. As he was thinking that acp sir might give him some leeway out of this. Or atleast he won't be supporting this idea of dcp sir. Which was to insult and inflict pain upon him. _

**Back to present flash back : **

Acp sir knew that this whole scene in the cabin was not something Abhijeet was expecting. And he also knew that what abhijeet might be thinking. And maybe this behavior was a part of this ordeal. As after that meeting they had hardly talked in the week. And abhijeet was mostly occupied or lost in some thoughts.

Abhijeet too was somewhat on the same page since that day. As for him everything that happened that day from acp sir side was hard to digest. As it wasn't just another inquiry or something he could handle professionally. It felt like more of a personal war.

_**Kal tak toh khudpe bharosa tha, **_

_**Pakki niv thi meri, **_

_**Ab toh is toofan se, **_

_**Niv hi kamzor ho gayi hai meri, **_

And it was now after so many days they were together. With this awkward silence filled in the air. As sooner or later they knew that they'll be having nothing new to talk to than the thing they were avoiding.

Abhijeet finished his dinner fast and soon went to the drawing room. He was trying to call or text daya and tell him to eat. Well it was already 2am and he was sure that Daya must've eaten already. But he had zero range. He didn't knew how. But his network sucked. So finally after some time he just opened his laptop again and was working on that report.

Acp sir came in the drawing room and saw him working so shook his head and said.

"Abhijeet. 2 baj chuke hai

"han wo Mai soch raha tha ke barish khatam hone tak report ka kam kr deta hu fir chala jaunga"

"Barish rukegi lag nahi raha hai. Aur badme bhi kr sakte ho"

Abhijeet instantly spoke "nai theeke. Main dekhta hun. Aap so jaiye"

Acp sir stared at him for a moment and then nodded. Then Abhijeet turned his gaze back to the screen.

This was not the first time when abhijeet was here. But this time he was tense and scared. And he didn't feel bad about accepting that. As this whole deal about inquiry scared him. For not only did it just opened old wounds. But also made fresh ones.

Acp sir silently went upstairs. As Abhijeet worked on his report. It was quiet and dark and he was feeling sleepy. But on the other hand his thoughts and tensions were keeping him awake. He worked fast and hard and soon ended the report. As he got up and went near the large window of the drawing room.

It was still raining. And that too heavily. He was hopeful that the rains will stop. But on the other hand he was somewhere happy too with the fact that he won't be needed to go to the inquiry tomorrow. Such a naive thought was crossing his mind. As standing in front of a panel who are appointed to test your existence is a hard thing. At Least for a person like him who has lost his identity years back.

He kept staring outside on the streets where the yellow street lights were beaming. It was silent outside. As the sound of the rain was continuous.

"Aaj nahi rukegi barish"

Came the voice from the hall as Abhijeet glanced back to see acp sir standing. He turned. As acp sir settled himself in the sofa chair. He then switched on the lamp on the sides.

"andhere me kyu baithe ho?"

Abhijeet didn't say anything just again glanced at the outside.

"Lag raha tha ke thodi der me ruk jayegi"

_**Ab nahi ladh sakta, **_

_**Nahi la sakta umeed nayi, **_

_**Ab ek ajnabee banke jeete jeete, **_

_**Zindagi jeene ki aas hi chut gayi**_

Acp sir sat down and took his book to read. As Abhijeet settled himself too. He switched on the tv again. As the news started flashing. That where and what was clogged.

When it showed that it was raining heavily throughout the city. Abhijeet was a little relieved seeing the status as he could very well feel that tomorrow he won't have to go the inquiry.

"Lag nahi raha hai ke barish rukegi bohot zayada hai" acp sir said looking at the screen.

Abhijeet unknowingly "han kal tak toh khulegi hi nahi (in flow) no office.. No inq.." before he could complete his sentence he realised that acp sir gaze was on him. And he understood that acp sir got what he was saying. And his face wasn't looking pleased at all. So abhijeet just controlled his excitement and turned his gaze towards screen again.

Soon seeing some little network. Abhijeet texted daya.

"Ab Clogging hoga. Kal Ke liye toh bala tali. Ab zaroor postpone hogi"

As he ended sending that message. Abhijeet questioned himself as to why he was so relieved. He didn't know why. But this short lived relief was good for him now.

"Andheri me nahi hai clogging" acp sir said as he was reading the book. Abhijeet looked up as andheri is where the medical department was.

"Sir par wo underpass ke yahan har bar clog hota hai"

"Mera dost hai wahan. Wo incharge hai. Iss bar sab prepared hai. Subah tak rasta clear ho hi jayega"

Abhijeets change of expressions were so innocent. That his face went from being happy to sad. As acp sir just stared at him while reading. Seeing his expressions he spoke with.

"Kal main Raju ko bol dunga tumhe chod dega wo andheri(after a pause) time me"

Abhijeet merely nodded. As he was sitting like a kid who was trying so hard to convince his dad that he doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. But alas, this dad was hard to convince. He just sat there for a moment. And in anger and frustration of failure to convince acp sir got up.

"Muze neend Aa rahi hai main so jata hun"

Saying he turned to leave. When heard a voice.

"Kab tak bhagoge abhijeet?"

_**Nahi, bhagoda me nahi, **_

_**Har roz khudse jhagdte jhagdte, **_

_**Kya mai kabhi thak sakta nahi? **_

Abhijeet stopped. As now he could only hear the loud thunderstorm hitting the windows and the whirling winds. He didn't hear it until this moment. For maybe he was too caught up with the storm inside him, to acknowledge the storm outside.

There were minutes of silence in that large drawing room. With the large windows blurred and the rain drops slowly sliding down. It was warm inside. For now only the lamp was on. With both of them being the only occupants.

Abhijeet was looking down. Clutching the staircases handrail hardly. As he gazed aside towards acp sir who still had his back towards him. He took a deep breath as he could feel an unknown anger and frustration rise inside him. He didn't knew why he was angry. But he could feel that he was not liking this discussion at all.

"Bhag nahi raha hun me"

When acp sir got up putting his book aside and turned to face him

"Toh fir itne dino se jo kar rahe ho use bhagna nahi toh kya Kehte Hai?"

Abhijeet instantly spat as "Use tension Kehte Hai, stress Kehte Hai jo ek insaan ata hai jab use apne aap ko bar bar, bar bar sabit krna padta hai" his tone was laced with anger. As he wasnt gazing at acp sir. But was clutching those handrails tightly.

"Toh khud ko sabit krne se dar rahe ho ya khud galat sabit ho jaoge iss ka dar hai" acp sir asked in a straight tone.

Abhijeet turned at him in anger.

"Mere khudko sahi ya galat manne se kya hoga. Jab sabne apna faisla khudse kar hi liya hai (in pained tone) waise bhi agar me sahi hota toh ye inquiry kabhi rakhi nahi jati"

Acp sir answered back "Aur agar tumhe galat samaz chuke hote toh bhi nahi rakhi jati (added in a firm tone) seedha hath me suspension letter de dete"

_**Mat do jhoothi tasalli, **_

_**Mat do jhoothi umeed nayi, **_

_**Ab agar gir gaya, **_

_**Toh shayad iss bar uth paunga nahi, **_

Abhijeet walked ahead instantly as he was now breathing heavily.

"Han toh de dijiye na letter. Jo cheez inquiry ke baad honi he wo pehle ho jaye toh kya farak padta hai"

His tone was now full of anger and frustration. Something he was carrying inside him since Thier last meeting. And now it was all coming out at once.

"Tumne agar soch hi liya hai ke inquiry and department tumhare khilaf hi khada hai aur tumhe galat hi tehrane wala hai toh mere kuch Kehne ya na Kehne se kya hone wala hai" acp sir said in frustration as he had his hands on his waist.

Abhijeet gazed aside as he spoke again "Maine nahi thana hai sir wo toh aaj tak ka mera experience hai jisme hamesha muzpe hi shaq hua hai(pressing his hand over his forehead) ek cheez, ek bhool aur muze katghare me khada kar diya jata hai..wo bhi kabhi mere dushmano ki wajah se nahi (pointing in the air) apne apno se. Mere department se. Meri har ek harqat decision aur galati ko Sirf aur sirf ek mental instability ka chashma pehenke dekha jata hai(acp sir were silent as Abhijeet spoke) ek baar nahi hazar baar aaj tak muzpe shaq kiye gaye ilzaam lagayae gaye..kya ek baar bhi bharosa kiya kisine muzpe?"

Acp sir in concerned tone said as." baat bharose ki nahi hai abhijeet"

Abhijeet walked to the side as he smiled "Baat bharose ki hi hai sir. Uski hi hai. Kyuke agar aaj aapko muzpe bharosa hota na toh aap..(feeling his throat constricting) aap bhi muze inquiry face karne ka order nahi dete" he said as he averted his gaze.

_**Kaho mat mujhse ke sab theek hai, **_

_**Jab theek hai kuch nahi, **_

_**Main dekh sakta hun sach, **_

_**Aur janta hun ke ret ki tarah zindagi chut rahi hai meri, **_

Acp sir in concerned tone came forward with "Abhijeet maine tumhe inquiry me Jane ke liye isliye nahi kaha tha kyuke muze bharosa nahi tha. (abhijeet was still gazing aside and heavily breathing) balki maine isiliye bheja tha kyuke muze tumpe Pura bharosa tha(added in a soft tone) aur aaj bhi hai aur kal bhi rahega"

Abhijeet was silent and gazing aside. When acp sir spoke again.

"Abhijeet. Muze tumpe bharosa hai.(concerned tone)par kya tumhe hai?(after a brief pause) khudpe?"

_**Itni bar gir chuka hun, **_

_**Ke ab uthne ki taqat nahi, **_

_**Aur ab uthu bhi toh kisliye, **_

_**Jab mera muzme ab kuch bacha hi nahi, **_

Abhijeet gazed at him. And seeing his fixed gaze walked from there to the nearest window.

"Baat mere khudke bharose ki hai hi nahi" he said in a low tone.

So acp sir turned and spoke in a tough tone "Accha toh jao fir Kal inquiry ke liye(abhijeet turned at him) face karo unke hazaron sawalon ko.. Suno unke tane. Face karo unke accusations ko (abhijeet turned his gaze and kept mum) kyu? Ab kya hua? (coming near him) ye sab toh hazaron bar kiya hai na tumne? Toh ab kya dikkat hai? Itni bar jo kiya hai wo ek aur baar sahi.. Kyu?" acp sir asked him in a straight and tough tone. As Abhijeet turned his face towards the window. Not being able to meet acp sir eye or give any reply.

Seeing his response acp sir shook his head. And went and sat on the sofa facing abhijeet.

"Tumhe pata hai abhijeet. Sawal inquiry ya jury ka hai hi nahi. Decision toh already leliya hai tumne.(after a brief pause) wo toh bass unke mu se sunne jana hai tumhe kal jo tum khudko Tony case ke end me Keh chuke ho, ke you are a unfit officer"

_**Thak chuka hun me ab, **_

_**Uthne me madat karo mat meri, **_

_**Aaj mere sach me, **_

_**Jhoth ko harane ki ab taqat nahi, **_

Abhijeet turned towards him. Shocked to hear what acp sir said. Or maybe shocked that what he was thinking was vocalised by him. Acp sir were sitting with a straight face and gazed at him. He couldn't meet his eyes so turned his head down.

Acp sir sighed in frustration. As he got up instantly with "Jab sab Tai kar chuke ho toh mera Waqt barbad karne ka koi Matlab nahi"

He started walking toward his room in anger.

When he heard a hardly audible tone

"Har bar aur iss bar me fark hai sir"

_**Mat pucho mujhse, **_

_**Mere lafzon me mera dard nahi, **_

_**Agar dard sunna hai, **_

_**Toh sunlo khamoshi meri, **_

_**Khamoshi meri, **_

He stopped and turned to see abhijeet sitting there still. As he started at him in silence. Waiting for abhijeet to break it.

* * *

Authors note:

I really hope that you liked it.

Please let me know. As it helps me get motivated and write further!

Thanks a lot.

Regards,

Renuka


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

** Guys, i just want to request you to PLEASE READ the previous two chapters before you jump to this. As trust me this is one the best chapters of this story and the last one. And i really feel that in order to get the feel or even understand you really need to go through them. So please read it before hand for once. PLEASE. **

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

It had been so many times when they both had been together and discussing about various cases. But had been a rare occurrence when he had actually been talking about the things that mattered. Things that he rarely said. Or maybe were always left unsaid. Every time the case use to end everything used to close on a good note which actually never was the case. And nothing for him that involved his past or his mental problem ever was that easy of an affair. But still, he used to smile and pretend that everything was fine. But now this was much bigger. Much bigger than it used to be.

There was silence as acp sir stood quite a for a moment. He had been waiting for Abhijeet to express but now he was unaware as to how was he really going to handle this.

"Aapko pata hai (gazing outside the window) iss sab inquiry ko face toh muze uss waqt se karna pada hai jabse meri yadasht maine khoi hai. Aisa ek din nahi gaya hai jab muze kisi se samne khudko sabit na karna pada ho(pausing briefly) har roz koi naya chehra koi naya nam. Par sawal kabhi nahi badle. Sawal aaj bhi wahin he jo uss waqt the (acp sir started at him silently) kya aapko lagta hai kea ap qabil hai?( he quoted the saying) yahi sawal har waqt samne rehta hai. Main kuch accha karu, yah fir koi bhi galati yeh ek sawal mano mere liye hi bana hai. (gazing at acp sir) Qabil? Kya hota hai sir ek qabil insaan? Kaun hota hai wo? (turning towards him) aapni duty shiddat se mehnat se krna uski taraf wafadari nibhana, uske liye jaan nyochavar kar dena ye qabiliyat nahi hai?(acp sir stared at him as he spoke ahead) inquiry me aadmi isi wajah se jata hai kyuke duty ke daruan hue hatso ya galatiyon ki wajah se. Aagar me kabhi qabil hota hi nahi toh fir kyu hoti hai meri inquiry?(his tone grew considerabaly) kyu har dusre case ke baad muze bulaya jata hai har baar muze khudko sabit krna padta hai. Jab ki har baar case me kaam krne ki wajah se khudki jaan jokhim me dalne ki wajah se hi toh wahan aata hu..(in a complaining tone) agar bureau me safe baitha rehta toh kabhi ye naubat aati hi nahi. par me meri condition ko jaanke bhi extend krta hun khudko koshish krta hun ke wo sab karu jo mere bass me hai.( gazing again at acp sir) fir kyu?"

Acp sir gazed at him for a moment. As he settled himself in the sofa nearby. As he answered Abhijeet with a question "Toh kya unke sawalon se bhagoge?"

"Bhag (getting irritated instantly) sir bhaag nahi raha hun me?" Abhijeet said in a irritated tone

Acp sir seeing that put a folder down infront of him on the coffe table in front. Which was a brown envelope. Abhijeet saw that and just averted his gaze. As he was much aware as to what was inside it.

"Ye kya hai fir? (gazing at the envelope) bhagna nahi toh avoid kyu kar rahe ho?" acp sir asked directly.

As Abhijeet just turned and started to gaze outside. Not trying to answer or deny what acp sir were saying to him. he was just gazing outside the window. Seeing that acp sir continued to speak.

"Teen baar tum reschedule kar chuke ho ye inquiry (gazing at Abhijeet) wo bhi bureau ke cases ke reasons deke. (Abhijeet just gazed at him) tumhe kya laga tha ke muze samzega nahi?(gazing at Abhijeet who just looked aside again) mere hi bureau me teen bar notifications aye hai HQ se. Ke aapke officer ko time hi nahi hai so leave sanction kariye" acp sir said

"Aapko notify karne ki kya zaroorat thi inlogo ko" Abhijeet muttered under his breath.

Which acp sir heard well so answered him instantly "Kyu?(in slight anger)taki tum aur post pone kar sako?"

Abhijeet just kept gazing aside as he didn't have answer or didn't wanted to. Acp sir just gazed at him. seeing how stubbornly he was handling this topic and how many years he had been skilfully ignoring and avoiding this question. Making it even more important for him to solve it once and for all.

"Face kru unhe toh bhi wo kya alag krte hai? Iitne salon se har ek inquiry ko ja hi raha hun kya badal gaya use? (in a frustrate tone) kuch nahi badla hamesha wahi sawal wahi cheeze. Sab kuch wahin hota hai. Unhe muzpe bharosa hai hi nahi isiliye har baar wo mujhe khudko prove krne ko kehte hain..(in a low tone) ye baat jaan ke bhi ke mere ateeth ya mere yaadasht ke aane ya jaane me mera koi control nahi hai. (pausing and adding) kaisa lagta hai jab har koi tumpe shaq karta ho..ittna sab krke bhi wapas sab kuch wahin tham jata hai jahan se iss sabki shurwat hui thi" Abhijeet said as he spoke what he wanted.

It had been years since when this whole spree of inquiries had started and he was in the middle of it. Everyday facing new accusations and assumptions which were made on him. there it was now when he was feeling weak and tired to fight them anymore. To answer them.

"Toh kya chahte ho tum?(after a pause) ke ye sawal ruk jaye?" acp sir asked while getting an expected answer of silence.

He knew that abhijeets silence was his inability to accept that he wasn't actually addressing the problem.

"Kis kiske sawalon ko band kroge?(gazing intensely at him) chalo ek din shayad ye inquiry aur unke sawal toh band ho jayenge par kya baki logon ke sawal bhi band honge? Kya who baqsh denge tumhe?(Abhijeet just kept his gaze outside the window) nahi..na aaj denge aur na hi kabhi kal denge. (in a sad tone) chahe tum kitna bhi jeeto ya kitni bhi acchi duty karo kabhi na kabhi kahin na kahin wo tumme khamiyan toh dhundenge hi(in a firm tone) hum koi perfect nahi hai. Aur na hi kabhi ho payenge. Galatiyan ho ya koi bhi decision ho log sawal puchenge" acp sir ended saying as he saw no change in abhijeets gaze or attitude in general as he was still sitting stiff and stubborn. Quite ignorant towards whatever 'Gyan' acp sir were giving him. So acp sir stood up and went near to him.

"Tumhe bakwas lag raha hai na ye sab?" acp sir asked as he stood infront of Abhijeet his gaze was firm and tone straight. Abhijeet just gazed up at him unable to answer as he wasn't agreeing to say no. Seeing this acp sir spoke again.

"Chalo .." he said as he started to move towards the inner study room Abhijeet was still sitting unable to understand when acp sir turned and gazed at him so Abhijeet got up and followed him inside.

As they entered in that room. It was much more spacious and larger than Abhijeet had expected. As he hadn't ever seen it. It was filled with book shelves a table and few walls which were full with paper excerpts and other photos and information. He just gazed at the space. Still unable to understand that why was he here. As acp sir moved towards the cupboard he had. From where he removed a few big brown boxes. As he saw Abhijeet gazing at the walls which were full of data, analysis and observations. Soon he opened the boxes. As Abhijeet turned towards him.

"Aaj tak mere acchaiyon se waqif ho (while taking the files out) isee nahi honge (saying he forwarded the file towards him) padho.." he said as Abhijeet gazed at him and then picked that file up. it was a old file and was looking torn and used.

"Sir (turning pages) ye.."

Acp sir leaned onto the table as he spoke "23 saal pehle ka case tha main inspector tha. Tab ki baat hai yeh. Suspend hua tha ek week ke liye (Abhijeet gazed at him in shock, suspend and him?) case kee bech me doh bacchon ko bachane liye on time changes kiye the maine (opening new files) kisi ko bhi pasand nahi aya tha" acp sir said as he continued putting new files.

Abhijeet kept gazing at him as he read further into the files. There were few more pages in the file. As he kept on reading them as there were all the circumstances where acp sir name was involved. And he was either accused or ridiculed. Abhijeet closed it and opened another one as acp sir spoke

"solah cases hai(pointing towards the file in abhijeets gaze) jinki wajah se mera naam tha aage (seeing Abhijeet's confused gaze) demotion ke list me.." Abhijeet just gazed perplexed.

"Kya?" Abhijeet spoke in shock as this was something he hadn't ever heard about his mentor.

Acp sir moving towards the drawer near the desk said while walking "Ye sab toh aur doh bakson se bhara pada hai. (going near the drawer as he was searching for something)"

Abhijeet turned and gazed at the other files as he started to read them

"Suspension letter for inadequacy in performing duty"

And many more excerpts being there he was just finding it unbelievable that how can it be possible. Afterall it wasn't him. how can he ever be wrong in performing his duty?

"Sir..(in a hesitant tone) sir ye kaise ho sakta hai..its just impossible( turning towards acp sir who was still searching something) aap kabhi..aisa nahi ho sakta sir" Abhijeet said in a complaining tone holding those files in hand.

Acp sir spoke while searching "Kyu?kyu nahi ho sakta?"

"Sir..aapse kaise…" Abhijeet spoke almost instantly.

Acp sir gazing at him while searching "Mujhse kabhi galati nahi ho sakti?"

Abhijeet gazed at him and realised what he meant so turned and pointed at all those files "sir itni sari? Nahi sir.." he said

Acp sir didn't say anything as he picked up a big folder that he was searching as he brought it to the central table. Abhijeet just gazed at what he was doing. Acp sir switched off the other lights on and then switched on the dim yellow light on the central study table. The rain was now heavy and the continuous splattering of rain could be heard as Abhijeet slowly moved towards the table.

Acp sir slowly and delicately opened the now old folder. As the folder opened Abhijeet saw neatly kept letters, documents, newspaper cuttings and other official letters. When he saw as acp sir stopped at the first page of it for a moment and gazed up at Abhijeet suddenly. For a moment as he spoke

"Tum sawalon se pareshan ho na?" acp sir asked in warm tone. Abhijeet unable to understand anything else answered in a nod.

"Tumhe pata hai sawalon se bura kya hota hai? ( gazing at him as Abhijeet stared blankly at him) wo tane.. wo jawab jo log khud bana lete hai (looking aside) tumse bina puche bina pura sach jane. Wo tab sirf tumpe accusations karte hai. Sirf tumhe bolte hai. Tumse puchte tak nahi.."

Abhijeet kept his gaze as acp sir looked up "Tumne nahi sune tane? Jab tumhe aapne yaddasht ko apna hatiyar banana ka ilzam lagaya gaya..(pausing) shaq hua tumpe..bin sabooton ke aarop hue tumpe..(in a guilty tone) jo aksar maine kiye..(Abhijeet didn't say anything as he just gazed down) kya kiya tumne? Rok paye unn sab ko? Rok paye (in a firm tone) mere jaise insaan ko tumhe ye bolne se? ( Abhijeet gazed up as he was about to say something) nahi na? aaj bhi khamosh hi rehte ho..(pain was felt in his tone as Abhijeet just gazed) aur rok..rok ke bhi kitno ko rokoge? Sabko toh nahi…(in a questioning gaze) toh bhagte rahoge? Hamesha?"

As acp sir ended the sentence abhijeet just stood quiet. He was leaning on the chair behind as his hands were folded and his gaze carried silence. He felt acp sir gaze on him. soon answered while gazing at his shoes "Toh..(after a brief pause) har kisi ko prove krna hai? Har uss insan ko jawab dena hai zindagi bhar? Ke kaise wo galat aur main sahi hu? Ya Bass..(gazing slightly at acp sir) unke tane aur jawab dene me zindagi guzarni hai. Kab tak sir? (gazing at acp sir) aur kis kisko?" abhijeet stopped speaking as he ended his sentence in frustration.

"Kisi ko nahi..(in a serious tone) khudko jawab do..(he gazed at abhijeet who just stared at him) ye jwab nahi, ke me fit hun. Ke main qabil hu. (gazing at abhijeet) balki ye ke you're okay if you're not fit. Not qabil. Because..(staring right at him) this doesn't define you"

Acp sir saw as Abhijeet just changed his gaze. As he stared down at his shoes again. His posture was leaning and bent. It clearly showed that he was far from convinced. And maybe that was his way of showing it. Acp sir seeing that stood straight and folded his hands. Abhijeet saw the change in his his mood and behavior almost instantly. As acp sir carried a straight gaze and poker face. Abhijeet felt like he was angry or something.

"Kaun ho tum?" acp sir asked in a straight tone.

Abhijeet straightened at this sudden question unable to understand this sudden change of behaviour. So he silently spoke with "Sir..aap kya.."

Acp sir cut him with "Jawab do? who are you?"

Abhijeet gazed at him with confusion again but seeing him quite firm with this. He sighed and answered in a bored tone "Sr. Insp. Abhijeet…CID Mumbai.."

Acp stared at him and spoke again "Maine pucha .. tum kaun ho?"

Abhijeet feeling irritated gazed aside and shook his head with "Main..(after a pause) sir me Abhijeet hu cid me kam krta hun"

Keeping his face the same acp sir asked "Maine tumse ye pucha ke tum kaun ho (Abhijeet groaned inwardly) ye nahi ke tum kya karte ho"

Abhijeet stood straight as his irritation left and wave of realization swept over. He just stared at acp sir with a new vision.

It had been past midnight now. As the rain was still pouring with occasional thunderstorm. The whole space was dark as the only thing that was still on was the dim yellow light that was between them two. It had been years since when he had been doing this duty. Searching for his existence. But what and how did he used to define himself. From his post? Is this all what he was?

It was about years after all that he was getting this feeling which he never actually had. He just gazed at acp sir silently unable to put his realization or thoughts into words. Acp sir silently went towards the semi open space of the house. It was a silent space with roof over it. As the wooden columns supported it. It had beautiful traillies and creepers weaved around it. Making it even more beautiful to sit on the stone seating. Where the long roof hanging lights were. Illuminating the space ever so delicately with the yellow lights. Acp sir went there as he stood facing the open as the rain slowly spattered onto his face. As he spoke

"Ek baar bohot pehle muze bhi ek chance mila tha. Jab muze bataya gaya tha ek naya department khul raha hai.(smiling) tab muze bhi bohot chah thi kuch alag krne ki..insaaf dilane ki.. tab ye idea bohot pasand aaya tha muze. (Abhijeet slowly walked towards the space) ek challenge tha wo mere liye jo muze at any cost pura karna hi tha. Maine decide kiya tha. (he said while his back towards Abhijeet who sat down silently gazing at acp sir) tab sab kuch ye naya tha. Kuch guarantee bhi nahi thi ke ye succeed. (in a lost tone) tab maine than liya tha ke iss ke liye chahe jo ho jaye..main sab laga dunga. Aur maine lagaya bhi (in a pained tone) sab kuch daw par laga diya. (Abhijeet silently heard) ek pal nahi milta tha muze ke main ghar aau ya apno..apno ke sath waqt guzaru. Har pal bass kaam..kaam aur kam. Uske alawa..meri koi zindagi hi nai thi..(turning towards him) bohot mehnat kit hi maine..yahi sochke ke ye sab fal layegi. Sab fal degi. (smiling) aur usne diya bhi..CID bureau sabse top bureaus me aaya..aur sabse jyaada closure rate bhi hame hi tha. (Abhijeet smiled) Bohot khush tha me (gazing outside at the rain) bohot..aisa lag raha tha muze ke muze sab mil gaya hai sab kuch"

Saying he came walked ahead as those cold rain drops could be felt. As he spoke in a deep tone

"Fir aaya wo din (feeling a lump in his throat) jab.. main ghar gaya. Aapne aapno se milne. Aur..dekha toh wo toh the hi nahi.(pausing) jo mera nakul tha. W..wo..(unable to say) wo toh kabka chala ja chuka tha..(Abhijeet felt his eyes moist as he gazed at acp sir) jahan me wapas aaya wo mera ghar raha hi nahi tha. Wo toh bass ek jagah ban chuka tha. (gulping) iss wehem se muze sirf ek awaz ne bahar nikala ..(as his eyes became moist) wo awaz jo mere aapne…aapne nakul par shoot krne ke baad hui.(tear rolled town his eyes) uss pal mano meri Aankhen khul gayi. Mere aankhon par bandhi patti gir gayi aur usne muze uss sacchai se waqif karaya jisme main..(in a low tone) sab kuch kho baitha tha…" acp sir ended his sentence as a tear rolled down his eyes. As he closed his eyes shut. And felt the air caressing his face.

Turning he came and sat infront of Abhijeet as he gazed at him

"Abhijeet..(in a warm tone) maine ye baat samzane ko..ke..(gazing down) main ek ACP se badhkar aur bohot kuch hu..iss baat ko samzne ke liye bohot der kar di..(Abhijeet felt a tear roll down his eyes as he gazed at acp sir) itni der ke.. kal tak wo files..meri galatiyon ki uss deewar par tangi rehti thi..(gazing aside) muze ehsaas dilane ke liye ke meri kya galatiyan hai. (then gazing at the wall in the study room where there was now crimson light falling on it of the dawn) par aaj.. aaj..wahan sirf ek tasveer hai (Abhijeet turned and gazed at it as he felt emotions flooding down) meri ..meri sabse badi galati ki (As the wall carried the happy photo of nakul, acp sir and his wife. Three of them smiling and happy) wo galati (with a lump in his throat) jiske liye.. main aapne aap ko kabhi maaf nahi kar paunga…(gazing at the photo) kabhi nahi.." acp sir closed his eyes as the tears made their ay through. He pressed his eyes shut as he gazed down. Unable to stare at the photo anymore. Abhijeet sat there with tears feeling unbearable pain as to how much hard it was to be someone strong. Someone who has to shoot his son.

They sat there in silence as acp sir wiped his eyes. And took a deep breath. As he said

"Maine der kardi…(gazing at him) tum mat karna.." acp sir said as Abhijeet nodded in silence. When he saw a car stopping near by as he saw his daya coming out.

When acp sir asked him "Ab tum, tum kaun ho ka jawab jante ho na?" acp sir asked.

Abhijeet gazing at daya who was walking towards the house. He felt the new beginning airse inside him with the new dawn. As he gazed at daya. And spoke "Han sir. (gazing at daya) jawab mere samne hi hai" he said with a smile.

**Present time: **

"officer Abhijeet?"

"Abhijeet?"

Abhijeet gazed up as he realized where he was. It was now that he was coming out of his thoughts. and realized that he was in the middle of the inquiry. He just gazed at them all. When one of the member spoke

"Aap bata rahe the ke how can you assure us that you're a fit officer?"

Abhijeet just gazed at her for a moment and then smiled as he spoke

_"Ma'am, I cannot assure you (everyone in the inquiry gazing at each other) and frankly (gazing at them in the eye) I cannot even guarantee you. I know you all might be expecting that I will assure you that everything will be fine, okay. (gazing at each one of them) but how can I assure something that am myself unsure of? (the jury silently gazed) today I might say it but what if tomorrow something happens again? What if my memory problem resurrects? (in a frank and confident tone) there are a thousand possibilities right now (pointing towards the table) you know that I know that. And we are very much aware that no amount of preparation or precaution can actually help me in the field. (none of the jury members said anything they just kept hearing) every few days I have this inquiry as a routine. As if its my everyday thing to prove myself in front of new jury. Telling them that how worth and asset I am to this department and how I am still useful considering my memory problems. (smiling in pain) its like selling myself in the assurance that I am not a defective piece. (in a low tone) and frankly I can do this. say the same sentence's, those same age-old assurances and convince you. Fool you or maybe fool myself. (the juries gazed keenly) till yesterday I was running. Running from questions. Accusations and taunts. But today. (gazing at them all) I am not running."_

Abhijeet's tone was full of confidence and truth. As if it was not a inquiry but a confession. As the juries themselves weren't interrupting him and were keenly hearing what he had to say. So, he continued. As he took a deep breath and spoke

"I am sr. inspector Abhijeet working for CID Mumbai since the last twenty years. I know that I suffer from a memory loss problem. And I am also aware that because of it I am more prone to other mental health problems. Which make me vulnerable towards a lot of things. And considering it. I cannot ever guarantee that I will be fit. (gazing at the jury) I am now. but I can't fool you or rather myself anymore. By telling that I am fit. As the only thing I know of is, I perform my duty with all passion and grit. With all the courage and ability, I have. And I will be doing it till the last breath. (in a high tone) that, is what I can guarantee you ma'am" Abhijeet ended the sentence as everyone of the jury sat silent. As a few spoke in whisper and the they asked him

"You do know that, this (pointing towards the recorder) is going to be official. And it will have an impact on the judgement of your fitness to the department?" she asked in a matter of fact tone. Abhijeet gazed at all of them for a moment as a smile crept on his face.

_"I know (after a pause) and I also know that maybe after walking out of this room I might not be considered the fit officer anymore. (the lady just gazed) I am aware of it ma'am (gazing down at his hands after a pause) but ma'am I guess I will be fine. Because what I know is, 20 years back it wasn't Abhijeet who lost anything. It was Abhijeet. A son, a friend, a colleague was the one who lost everything. (in a deep tone) That time all I had was my job. But it wasn't everything and can't ever be everything. (gazing at them in confident tone) I know sir, ma'am, what it is like to loose your identity, to loose your family. I know what it is like. And I very well know that loosing identity wasn't ever the loss of my job. So..(while getting up) I know who I am. And I know what my true identity is. Of course it will be hard for me. But I guess just the way I got up 20 years back I will get up now too. (then after a deep breath and taking his coat) Because now I know**. I am a person, not a job title.** (smiling at all the juries) thank you"_

The juries were sitting awestruck and silent. Unable to respond as it had been a rare occasion when anyone had ever spoken any truth. The truth that they all knew but never heard. Abhijeet walked out the room as unknowingly a smile crept on his lips. For the first time he was walking out of the room without the fear of losing anything. Without the fear or pain.

Soon coming down he saw waiting for him in the lobby. And his face lit up. daya seeing the smile on his face "Kya hua? Kya fit officer keh diya tumhe?" smiling

Abhijeet "Nai..pata nahi" in a carefree tone

Daya gazing in suspicion and smile "Toh phir ye Khushi kis cheez ki boss?"

"teri.."

Daya questioning "meri?"

Abhijeet gazing at him as daya looked confused "Kyuke aaj agar me fit ya unfit declare ho jau toh bhi ek cheez bachti hai Abhijeet ke pass jo koi use nahi cheen sakta aur na hi usse koi badi cheez hai koi..(after a pause)** tu**.."

Daya before could say anything Abhijeet hugged him. Daya couldn't understand but soon did as he felt abhijeets hug tighter than usual. Soon after leaving the hug he gazed at Abhijeet.

"Sr. Insp or not… you'll always be my boss…" daya said as Abhijeet smiled.

"Maybe that's all that matters right?" Abhijeet said. As daya smiled.

Soon they walked out of the building towards a new beginning. A kind of beginning they all wanted.

Sometimes, its not about being perfect.

It isn't about your job title.

_Sometimes, its all about the scars, the mistakes which make us "Imperfectly perfect"_

* * *

**Authors note: **

**I am unaware as to how this whole thing turned out. i really hope that it was good. As it was a diffrent attempt by my side. **

**And yes, i would highly appreciate if you can please tell in detail as to how it was? I would be thankful! **

And additional to this i am updating reactions soon by Tuesday mostly.

thanks a lot and please tell how it was!

regards,

Renuka.


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